I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
