hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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