I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
