I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
