I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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