Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
