Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
