We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
