I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
