this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
