i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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