He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
