i think i have two assholes
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize