You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
