dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
