Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
