I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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