Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
