I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize