o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
