where am i from again
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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