im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
