I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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