I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Even my vagina gasped.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you had me at cake vodka
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
