You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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