Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
