Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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