OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
