i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
