So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
