im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
