i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
