did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
