Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize