She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
