We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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