dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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