Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
