physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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