he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
