My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
