At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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