I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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