3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize