Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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