Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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