Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
