I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
