Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Buhtt sex?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize