2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
