i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize