if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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