i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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