the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Someone shattered a urinal.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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