I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
