So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
