Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
