my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
