So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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