Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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