I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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