people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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