I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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