yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
