I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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