I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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