you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
