he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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