Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
