The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
