Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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