Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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