I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
