So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
