Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
