I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
