bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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