the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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