Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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