yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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