It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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