If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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