I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
