a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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