You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
