I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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