remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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