You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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