I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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