I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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