I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
