I'm lost and stupid without you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When did angry sex become our thing?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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