Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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