my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
