Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
