the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
