around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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