My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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