I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
