If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
