this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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