Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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