I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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