Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize