I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
