i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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