oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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