She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
