At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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