So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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