Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
