The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
